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As a former addict of pornography, I want to help you identify specific behaviors that might indicate he is into it. I can’t guarantee that these are a complete list or that they absolutely mean he is using, but they will help you notice behaviors.
Does he have a private computer that you are not allowed to use? Sometimes he will have a private computer or laptop that he is very protective of. If he has a computer that he uses for fun or hobby and won’t let anyone else use it he could be hiding pornography on it. This is sometimes confirmed if he uses it in a private place, hides the screen and doesn’t like to share what he uses the computer for.
Does he frequently stay up late on the computer after you go to bed? My Dad once said that nothing good happens when you stay out past midnight. Anything done late at night on a computer is not generally good either. Try to see how long he spends on the computer by waiting up or checking the internet history. Ask him what he was doing and verify it. If he is sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night, this is bad news. I used to do this when I needed a pornography fix.
Is his smart phone, iPod or iPad off limits to you? Being overprotective of one of these devices can be a sign he is hiding his pornography use. These devices have stored history just like computers do, but they are private devices to him. As something that is private to him, he will feel more comfortable not erasing the history and he might even bookmark or use apps that take him to pornography he likes. If he has nothing to hide you could pick up his phone and he shouldn’t flinch.
Is he resisting your advances towards him to make love? I am not one to turn my wife down if she makes the first move. Generally the man makes the first move because he needs sex more than his wife does. If your husband regularly turns you down for sex, it may be because he has been spent. A man’s sexual appetite builds up until he gets a release then he starts at zero again. If he is using pornography regularly, he won’t have any appetite left over for you and may play it off as tiredness. If this is a frequent pattern, I would be suspicious.
When you make love, does he suggest trying out unusual or uncomfortable things? Pornography teaches men that women love having men do crazy things to them. Pornography also teaches men that women are there to serve the man. If your husband is forcing you to try new and unusual things that you don’t want to, he may be learning them by watching pornography. It is OK to spice things up occasionally, but his utmost concern should be your feelings and comfort.
There are other signs that your husband may be using pornography, but this list is not meant to be comprehensive. Secretive and suspicious behaviors as outlined above do not necessarily mean he is definitely using pornography. Use your better judgment and try not to jump to conclusions. If you falsely accuse him, your relationship could be damaged.
If he indeed is using pornography, work with him to help him stop because it is detrimental to your marriage.
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